Thought I've never cry again...

As I grow... a lot of thins had happen... so much hurtful that I've felt, I told myself that I'll never cry again... and I also told myself that I won't easily trust other people again but I still always do... I know that every person have right to live and deserve a second chance, but why they waste it?

At first I try to be open to him but I can't, I don't know why... I thought the problem was in me... but I was wrong, the problem was in "him". Shouting at me out of no reason. Does he really respect my sister? If he do, then why shout me? Because of wasting his time? If he really felt that I waste his time, why fetch my sister? He didn't even respect me, by shouting me in front of my sister. My boyfriend can do the things he cannot do, which is spending his time with me and my family and never think that we are a waste of his time. if Nelson felt that I waste his time, he's not in-love with my sister. He's after something and I'm sure of it. The hell with him, sorry for my rude words but I was so shock and it hurt me so much that I almost cried in the middle of the street. I thought I've already lost and get rid of those feelings already, but I was wrong, it was sleeping within me just like Black Winged Angel.


Now he have awaken Black Winged Angel, should I thank him? or should he be careful with me starting right now? because I will have my full Black Winged Angel take over me and get rid of him. I can't blame my sister, for me it's between me and him. If he can shout me in front of my sister and he's still not in our family yet, how much in the future if he married my sister? He can shout her anytime, anywhere. I will get rid of him no matter what, he's really dealing with the wrong person. He started the fire. Before he will do more flame, I will start earlier than him, he wants to start hell? I will show him and let him feel it first and the worst. I will never ever forgive him, he has no right to do that to me. Yah, I know I know, God can forgive why can't we...? That's why I was decent here, an angel was created but a different one and that is me... Black Winged Angel... the Angel of Death...

...Black Winged Angel.... revived...

As we all know Angel are sent by GoD to watch over the people who are good... for me I treat myself as one of those but I am different... as I am sent by God, but decent here to watch over people that I care about... the different thing is... I am a black winged angel... a good one but sometimes I can become evil, by doing something that angel shouldn't be doing... I know it's wrong but still I cannot help doing wrong sometimes.. guess people or even angels are not born or created perfect.

Thought I was changed... and thought I already leave Black Winged Angel already... yet I think the Black Winged Angel is just sleeping inside of me, and now it revived again... and it's time to have it revived...

Exams...

exams exams exams... exams are here again... sacrifice are to be made again... I really really miss him a lot but we have to work for our future... It's sad but we have to do what we need to do... guess sacrifice never ends... but I know it's worth it...

Cross finger... I only have one week left for my JLPT exam.. wish me luck XD~

Take care guys.. hope you guys have a great day ahead.. ^_~

Sacrifices... a worth while...

Many things have happen to me.... since I graduated at College, work, life, and until now... There are things that I do for good, but why it never seen by other people? It kept bury always... Does it have to be always that way? Or it's just not on the right time? -- these are the question that I usually question myself that left without an answer... but now I learn about it... making sacrifices don't need answer all the time... and making sacrifices don't need to see or feel by all the people because you cannot please all the people around you... Well, facing the fact, although it really hurt me but I have nothing to do with it, that is the Law of Life, you can't take it? live with it.. but I also realize that making sacrifices needs time and it's a worth while...

Ain't that enough?

it's Monday again, and my weekend are filled with sadness that I cannot avoid... It always occur on my mind no matter what I do to forget it. Even though that I do not want to think about it, it always pop on my mind. I know only ourself can understand the feeling of our gut. But when you raise it to the person that you are concern, ain't that enough? ain't that enough that you are concern to them? Oh well, but all that she did was laugh, glad I get use to people not get serious on me. well, I just hope that I will ate my words and guts, if I am wrong. But I also found out that recently it's not only me who have that not good feeling, but also my parents -_-; But oh well, I am just the youngest of all in the house. I cannot do anything, even I state my feelings and ideas. Why? Can the guy support her future? Can the guy support her a good life? and Can the guy support her till the end? even his family? He doesn't even have a stable job right now? I didn't mean that he is really jobless but his job is on and off. How can a guy like that support his girlfriend or wife in the future right? I know I am too early to judge a him like that, but my mind keep on telling me that something is really wrong with that guy... this already bugging me for how many days. I try to open to him but it still didn't work. If he can prove to me, all of my questions and doubts I will accept him, and I will accept that my guts, and intuition are wrong. BUT~ if he fails, I will be the first one in the family who will confront him.

Today at work, I don't quite work because I quite catch cold because of the weather change @_@ glad I didn't have cough, har har har... and my head near going to freeze because it's cold her in the office >.> and hope I can resume work normally tomorrow. ho ho ho~ but even that happens I am still happy at the office... :p Well, till here, hope you guys have a great day~

Get use to...

In life, we learn a lot of lesson as we grow up... and I am really glad that I am get used to it... specially people not get serious on me when I talk something quite important. Well, that maybe not important to other people but hey~ it's important to me... Glad I get use to that because I remember way back when I am not get use to it, I get angry to myself because people don't take me seriously... And I also learn that in life, you should always be ready for anything, I MEAN "anything"

November Times...

hello November.. belated Happy Holloween :D November November November, only few days pass and it will December loh~ and on November 19, 2006 I'll be 6months working at Primer loh~ :D Hope I can be regular loh~ :D and hope I don't get my 3 days suspension because of having 6 lates TT_TT because last month I got late for 6 times because of tardiness, a.k.a. tamad :p

Well, only 2days to count sweet angel and I will be 8months loh~ days really past so fast, it's like just few days ago the we are official and now we are 8months loh~ I hope this continue till we get old :D

As for work, well... I get more project lah~ and hope I can finish these in November so I can relax in December and have a nice Christmas break...

I just realize recently that in life, we should make wise decision for our future. And also I realize that I can make more sacrifice for my love one.... that I thought I can't guess when you really love your loveones you can do everything... althought quite feel sad because you have to sacrifice your feelings and what you need to do just for your loveone...