...choices...

I've watch this movie that I'll always remember... it's about the choices we make... we choose what we can to and we choose what we decide to do. And there are a lot of choices that we can make, we do not know if our choices are right or wrong because of our point of view. Choices also has it's own point of view, that's why we do not know if the choices that we choose is right or wrong. We are the one's who are committed with the choices, the only time we know that the choices that we make is right or wrong because we have our point of view in life so we must think very carefully in making choices.

In life....

yet in life we really never get along huh? when we always meet, all we do is to agrue or lecturing me... why is that always happend? Do you think I am that dumb not to think what I am doing? Please see to it first that what I do before critisizing me. You always do that, not only to me but also to other people, can't you learn that? when other people critisize you, you feel offended and always speak out that as if you are always right or perfect @_@ Please don't... because each of us are not perfect. It make me think that I should make a margin with you, that never be close to you and don't care what you do to me. But please don't always guard or notice me just because you have nothing to do but always see me.

...June...

Month of June is the month of school... start of school and somehow I miss schooling... I still remember when I was still on schooling, I don't like books and studying... and now I graduate loh~ and missing of studying loh and realize that studying is fun. Actually, working is fun too when you like what you are working on but somehow it makes you feel tired than studying. June is also the month of rainy season and rainy season is already starting but sometimes it's hot also @_@ really don't know what the weather really want to feel XD~ sometimes cold sometimes hot but what I don't like is the air is hot, it feels hot already and it's also hard to breath because the air is hot.

... Sad but True ...

In relationship, you should know very well what "Sacrifice" means... it's not just a simple word that can say and do easily because it also mix with feelings. I somehow thought that I've already understand very well what that means, but then right now I realize that it takes a lot of courage to face that challenge in life. Challenging sacrifice is not that easy and now I need a lot of courage to face that challenge that I am currently in... it's been past few weeks and we don't have that long talk anymore, even date and I do really miss him soooo much. I'm telling this, is not mean in ranting because of this and that... I just want to tell you that I miss you soo much because we didn't have regular talk on phone anymore and we didn't been each other anymore that long for a week loh~ But I DO understand you and you have my full support because I DO love you so much. Just like I promise before, I will not do the things that what a common girlfriend do. Though sometimes I want your attention so much but I don't want to strangle you because I really cherish our relationship and want to keep it till the end. Now, what I know need to do is to wait for you and I know you will pick me up where I wait you.... MISS YOU SO MUCH and LOVE YOU SO MUCH...

... work ...

why I always have dumb decision on work? No matter how I try my best to avoid of being dumb I always get that result in the end. I just wish that I could avoid that one day. I didn't cried in that time when that happened. I just blame myself for my dumb decision and dumb work but why when he called me and ask for an apology I almost cried?

... sibling thing ...

guess in this life we can never be close.... since we were kid we never get close we just go for casual laugh only because when we get close we only get our conversation heat up and we don't agree on almost anything. Though I tried many times but i think there's no way anymore. I tried but I doubt you ever see it or felt it. Yeah yeah~ I know, no matter what I do or even the world round counter clockwise or the sun sets the other way around you are still my family and I cannot change that... but what I want to say that, eventhough we are family we can never be compatible for each other...

.. what a day ...

it's already end of the day and I thought I have done a lot of good things and in the end it turns out not... and I did the most dumbest thing in my work... I have deleted one of the folder files of our pmx and uhr.. gosh... it's really bad and I felt bad. Though my boss said it's okay... but still it reflect on my work duty.. I just hope I won't be doing that second time....

Tomorrow is my exam again on Nihongo Foundation and I wish I pass the test.... wish me luck...

... Labor Day ...

Good day everyone in the world... Today is the the first day of May and it's Labor Day... How's your Labor Day there in your country? I hope you guys are enjoying your labor day as well :) Here in the Philippines, some of the store are not open... well of course, it's labor day... but some store is also open. Today is the showing of Spiderman 3 and I am sure all the cinema here are loaded @_@ hahahaha... and it's a rest day for me.. thought I am here in the computer shop of my friend and not in the house... because house is sooo depressing.. aside from no internet a lot of people in the house... and tomorrow is normal day again loh~ back to work again... I hope you guys are enjoying your labor day :) Have a happy Labor day~

..another day...

yet another last day of the month... days really past so fast and it's already May tomorrow... hope you guys have a great month these past few months... Me? I still got a lot of rush project to do... it's already line up till the month of June... Wish me all the luck on my project and hope I can make them good and have my KRA result good =p

April...

wow~ days really past so fast and I haven't post for quite a while... 'cause I've been very busy on my work... and it's already 4th week of April so and summer is already starting... These past few days, it's really really hot here in the Philippines, I wish it would be colder sometimes ^^v I wish I could have a nice break after my long month of working with my deadline @_@ and this week I have my midterm on Nihongo Foundation, Kanji, reading and hearing and next week I will also have my continuation exam on Nihongo Foundation and this time is vocabulary and grammar, wish my luck on my exam :) Take Care you guys~ have a great day ahead ^^v

... Today ...

As for this month, there's a lot of project coming up because we are moving to the new building and I must finish those project next month... Today is the second of the last day of March and hope I can finish those manual and account and hope when they login, it won't have any problem at all.

After this week, next week we will only have 3 day of work 'cause of Holy Week ^^v weeee... from April 5 to 9, that means 5 days of no work *yeah~* \m/ And I will take that as an opportunity to have a nice relax vacation =D That also means that, this week I have to finish the stuff I need to finish ;)

for those who will have the same date vacation with me, Happy Vacation ;)

March Days

It's March already, days really past so fast... I just felt like January 2007 yesterday... Guess time really flies fast. March days... Graduation Days... Happy 2007 Graduation to those people who are graduating :)

Life really sucks @_@ 'cause my network walkman suddenly didn't work and I do not know what happened all I did what just to charge the phone and listen to my music, then suddenly when I will charge again my computer doesn't recognize my network walkman anymore TT_TT I do not know what really is the problem, it cannot be my usb drive because I am using usb keyboard and mouse. My friend told me, maybe it's a firmware problem.. Maybe? Maybe not... ~>.<~

28th Feb, 49th Day

28th Feb. 20007 is the 49th day since the day your apart from us. It's been how many days that you already apart from us, how are you? I know that it's kinda bad to hear for you to enter our dream but sometimes we want to know if how are you really doing? Dad said that if you don't let us dream, that means you're already fine and in Heaven. And of course, we are happy to hear that...

Changing the topic =p and it's been a while that i've write here XD~ don't worry i'll cope up with the days i've miss...

Welcome 2007...

Welcome 2007, Year of the PiG. Yet another year beginning. Hope it's a great year for all of us... On work, on personal life and on our future... I'm really happy because my grandmother is recovering now and hope that she will recover more and more until my birthday, because I wish that I could celebrate my birthday with her...

奇跡。。。 希望。。。

Miracle really do happen in life, I am not just saying this now because it just happen now, but I really do... it's just that, I do believe more because it really happen to me... not only me but to me and my family... It was really a miracle, every since that my grand mother confine at the hospital and very little improvement, we are not only physically tired but also mentally tired because we always think of her and worried, because we want her to recover fast and don't want to let her feel suffer... I am not blaming my grand mother that giving us hardship in worry but she's been a part of our family for almost many years... look she's 101 years old already and I am proud...

until last Sunday morning, my dad finally decide to let her go... my father already talk to his siblings about it and ready also to tell the doctor to let grand mother go.. but when he's about to tell the doctor, guess what our doctor said? "Hey, your grand mother is very strong did you know that? heart beat is slowly beating back to normal. Medicine that she's taking start lessening. If her case will improve always in few weeks later, she's out of danger...." the Doctor said. When my father heard, he was stun, not stun of shock but stun of happiness. My father got home and told us the news we where very happy, and he also told us that grand mother somehow opened her eyes. That's a good sign right?

We do hope for miracle in life and we also do hope that miracle happen but not always. But I think we do not choose who to believe to give us the miracle we want but they are the ones' who choose us to make us a miracle. They choose who has strong belief and strong faith and that is how they help us. Don't blame your religion if they don't make the miracle the way you want it. That only means that your belief and strong faith is not enough. And you still have doubts. We all say that we have strong belief and faith in them but in the back of our thoughts if there's still a doubt (even if we don't see it) they can see and feel it. But if you feel that you really have strong belief and faith, and if the miracle that you are hoping for didn't happen, maybe the time hasn't come yet or it wasn't meant for what you are wishing for or the time has come to let go. I know a quote that "Doubt is easy to built than trust" and that is true it proves, it's always in front of us, we just don't want to see it, we just don't want to face it and we just don't want to accept it. It's true that it's easier to say than to do but we have to face the fact that, that is the cycle of life. All we have to do is to be strong.

In Life...

In life, anything can happen anytime... you'll never predict what will happen next... seconds later, minutes later, hour later, day later... Life is too broad to predict even you can predict ones' future, you somehow still cannot avoid the happenings because it's faith. But we can change our faith by working out our present, but that won't work all the time. Every second, every minute, every hour, everyday counts. Love everything what is in your life, cherish everything what you have right now before it's gone. Be contented on what you have right now, never wish more that what can give. Life is like a bridge that we are crossing, well never know there is a hole in front of it. We might fall but sometimes we are rescue by the people around us, but sometimes in life that hole that you fall is meant to happen that we cannot do anything about it but to hold on to the hope and have strong faith that we will be saved. But if there is no one there to rescue you... it's true, life is unfair it can never be fair. You'll ask the question why, but that really meant to happen. That's why cherish everything what we have right now in life and be contented...

試験。。。

Judgment day already pass... it's yesterday... it was my exam on Japanese. I really wish I will pass the exam... on the first part of the exam, I got 40/100 I need 80 points to pass >.<
My friend says that I will pass, I just hope that I really will pass... it's just that my mind cannot help but to always doubt, I don't want to think that loh~ but it kept me thinking... now all I need is have a miracle to have 80 points to pass... I really hope that I will pass too... I really need to pass... i really want... just pray for me that I will pass, I will I will...

Have faith my Angel, you will pass the exam. you will, I know you can do it... even your friend is cheering you that means they believe in you :D stay strong, don't think negative. Because the more you think it negative the more negative aura will get near you... think positive okay, positive aura will be always by your side ;) Good luck my dear Angel...

now I know...

Few years before... I never fully understand why my best friend kept me the time what had happen to his grandmother. And I've also confront him, and I told him that I thought I was his best friend and what is the use of being close when keeping things to each other. I know that there are things that shouldn't be told to others but still there are some should. Right now, me and my family are facing a big challenge of our lives. My grandmother is already living for centuries, I know it's hard to believe but it's true. Last Wednesday (December 06, 2006) was her 101st birthday... but her Chinese birthday was November 16, 1907. 101 is count on the Chinese calendar. On that day, we never thought that the shock might happen to her. I thought that I am already strong enough to face all the types of challenges in my life but I was wrong... I am still very very weak.

Right now, my grandmother is confine in the hospital. Medicine are the only thing that is pushing her to live and make her live. She can hear, feel... I know that, but it's just that she cannot wake up anymore because of the brain damage. Me and my family really hope for a big miracle, and hope that will happen. But if not, please give us the sign first before getting our grandmother. She's important to us. If she really want to release the line please give us line so we will be strong in releasing the line also. Until now, no sign is given that is why we are still holding tight the line not to let her go. I know, you guys will say 'that's life, we should learn to let go and move on' That's true in life. But it's harder doing it than say.. just give us the sign... just one sign...

None of my friend know this, unless one but still it isn't my best friend. Now I know and understand how my best friend feel when his grandmother was confine in the hospital... I am really sorry my dearest best friend, I just hope that in that time, I understand you first than confronting you... Hope you'll forgive me...

surprises....

There's a lot of surprises in life.. I thought I will always be ready for that... but I was wrong... I was soo weak and unprepare... when will I learn from those experience to be stronger than ever?

Christmas is getting near... only 15 days to go... what are you guys doing for Christmas? Hope you guys will have a great Christmas this year... ^^v

Shiken....

There goes my exam yesterday... there was a lot of people there and it's a very little chance that I might get on top... I just wish that I pass the exam I am contented and as my learning lesson to study hard everytime so I won't have hard time when big exam come....

And as for those bad memories, I really wish that I have an amnesia for they will be gone... I know I know that, that just running away from my problems... but I don't have a choice already so I think that as a solution in my life... am I thinking that I cannot carry those problems in my life anymore? I hope I still can... just like before.. even in my face you cannot see it...

Thought I've never cry again...

As I grow... a lot of thins had happen... so much hurtful that I've felt, I told myself that I'll never cry again... and I also told myself that I won't easily trust other people again but I still always do... I know that every person have right to live and deserve a second chance, but why they waste it?

At first I try to be open to him but I can't, I don't know why... I thought the problem was in me... but I was wrong, the problem was in "him". Shouting at me out of no reason. Does he really respect my sister? If he do, then why shout me? Because of wasting his time? If he really felt that I waste his time, why fetch my sister? He didn't even respect me, by shouting me in front of my sister. My boyfriend can do the things he cannot do, which is spending his time with me and my family and never think that we are a waste of his time. if Nelson felt that I waste his time, he's not in-love with my sister. He's after something and I'm sure of it. The hell with him, sorry for my rude words but I was so shock and it hurt me so much that I almost cried in the middle of the street. I thought I've already lost and get rid of those feelings already, but I was wrong, it was sleeping within me just like Black Winged Angel.


Now he have awaken Black Winged Angel, should I thank him? or should he be careful with me starting right now? because I will have my full Black Winged Angel take over me and get rid of him. I can't blame my sister, for me it's between me and him. If he can shout me in front of my sister and he's still not in our family yet, how much in the future if he married my sister? He can shout her anytime, anywhere. I will get rid of him no matter what, he's really dealing with the wrong person. He started the fire. Before he will do more flame, I will start earlier than him, he wants to start hell? I will show him and let him feel it first and the worst. I will never ever forgive him, he has no right to do that to me. Yah, I know I know, God can forgive why can't we...? That's why I was decent here, an angel was created but a different one and that is me... Black Winged Angel... the Angel of Death...